who the fuck do you think you are? #6

Posted by Matthew Windsor on

We've teamed up with SLC's resident hardrock sages, Milk Money, to answer questions and tell stories about hardcore, hardrock, the "scene", life advice, and whatever other random shit comes to mind. Follow them on TWITTER, check them out on SPOTIFY, and check back next week for WTFDYTYA #7.

Hey there. Us again. I guess, technically, lockdown is over? We don’t even know anymore. It’s kind of weird that there’s a bunch of people who spend thousands of dollars on guns and tactical gear, and the only thing they dare use any of them for is to demand that SuperCuts and Baskin Robbins open so they can go there and not leave a tip. But hey, desperate times and all that.

But don’t worry because lockdown or no lockdown, we’ll keep on writing this column as long as you keep sending us those sweet, sweet questions. Now. On with the show.

@TheRoxieWearsPrada Asks: Christian Hardcore: Hell Yes or Lord No?

M$: For this answer, we decided to give you an exclusive look at the Milk Money group text after this question rolled in.

"At the Sleeping Giant show when Tommy talks about Jesus for twelve straight minutes but then the “all Hell follows with him” part starts."

"Our face when we found out that Zao is a Christian band."

"When Comeback Kid clarified that, “Some of us are Christian but we’re not a Christian band.”

"When the breakdown ends and the singer goes straight into a prayer."

"On our way to hit that xDEATHSTARx pit like..."

"When we tell a Christian hardcore band they played a good set, and they respond with “Thanks! Are you interested in—”

"Standing outside between bands when we hear Beloved start playing in the basement of DV8."


@TiredOfTalking/Listening asks:

Dear M$,

Since coronavirus, I have been involved with many video conferences (work related and personal).  Many times I have experienced the one person that tends to dominate the conversation and it becomes very difficult to say anything.  What is the etiquette on this and how do I manage it without becoming an asshole?

M$: There’s a simple way to address this, and all you need is some form of external speaker, whether it’s a bluetooth player, a TV, or something similar. You know how at awards shows, when someone’s speech runs long, the orchestra just starts playing? Do that. Have some swelling classical music ready to go, and make sure your speaker is connected to whatever device you’re not using for the video conference. When someone goes on too long, hit play, then when everyone else starts looking around to see where it’s coming from, do the same. Look confused, then when the person who was talking stops to address it, turn off the music, say “That was weird!” and hijack the conversation. Boom. You’re the captain, now.

Now there’s a chance this won’t work. I haven’t tested it, because I haven’t been invited to a single non-work related virtual hangout during the entirety of quarantine.

Now if it’s a work-related session, just do what Byron does: Grab your bass, mute yourself, zone out, and start playing. That’s how we ended up with “All Went Black.” That worked out great for us.

@DanceFloorJusticeWarrior asks: Is all hardcore dancing post-Covid crowdkilling?

M$: Honestly, there’s one thing we haven’t missed during this whole ordeal, and that’s trying to watch a band while simultaneously keeping an eye on the guy roving back and forth through the open space, arms slightly in front of our body, bracing ourselves for him to suddenly decide to kick someone in the stomach, instead of staying in the middle of the floor like a normal person. 

But it’s weird to think about how things are going to be different going forward, especially in regards to hardcore shows. Moshing has always been part of it, and as embarrassing as it is to try and explain to an outsider, it’s always going to be there. We don’t write intentional mosh parts for Milk Money, but all four of us play in other bands that treat breakdowns like valuable currency. We love them, and we’re not going to stop writing those parts because of a virus. We just might not be able to execute them at full intensity for a while.

We actually sent an email to the Health Department to see if there were any plans to start allowing venues to operate again, and what guidelines might have to be followed to allow that to happen. They sent a response a few hours later, and… it’s weird.

@GenreCurious asks: Two-part question: 

  1. WTF is hardrock? 
  2. Why do you keep talking about it?

M$: Hardrock is deeply personal, and you either get it, or you don’t. It’s not a brand, it’s a lifestyle that we’ve cultivated through years of hauling gear in and out of clubs, basements, coffee shops, churches, junkyards, and warehouses for very little money—if any at all. It’s the general evolution of the DIY spirit that started with our parents dropping us off at punk shows, catching rides with friends to hardcore shows, and evolved into buying a shitty van with our friends and playing music to pass that tradition to the next generation. 

If you have to ask what hardrock is, then you’re not ready for that life.

@TheSultanOfSoundcloud asks: Is emo-rap the new punk rock?

M$: We’re going old school, newspaper advice column style with this one. 

Dan's Point: Yes, because it's music made by angry young people and old people don't understand it...

Trevor's Counterpoint: The only reason that I’m saying “no” to this is because of the community aspect. There *might* be an emo-rap community, but as far as I can tell, if there is, it’s mostly online. That’s the biggest difference for me.

When I was getting into punk/hardcore, the internet was a thing, but streaming music wasn’t. The punk community was trading tapes with people, borrowing CD’s from friends, and going to record stores to bond with whichever employee had similar tastes. I would find out about shows, go with one or two of my friends, and slowly make friends with other people that we saw at every show. It felt like a stronger bond when you had to put physical energy into it. Trading links and chatting on SoundCloud or TikTok just doesn’t feel as authentic.

Now I realize that’s fully a generational thing, and I might be 100% wrong. Hell, I know two people that met playing Grand Theft Auto online, who are now married with two kids. That seems INSANE to me, but it happens. It’s possible to translate from an online friendship to a real life bond, but it’s also easier to just remain internet friends, liking and commenting on each other’s posts without ever actually meeting. To me, that’s not quite the same.

@311WasAnInsideJob asks: Y’all know where I could find an ill white hoodie with the Virgin Mary and a snake on it?

M$: Well isn’t that convenient. In the same column that we talk about Christian Hardcore, we get a question inquiring about Christian imagery. Luckily for you, we actually do know such a place. You might even be able to get that image on a blue t-shirt as well.


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