"WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?" #4

Posted by Matthew Windsor on


We've teamed up with SLC's resident hardrock sages, Milk Money, to answer questions and tell stories about hardcore, hardrock, the "scene", life advice, and whatever other random shit comes to mind. Follow them on TWITTER, check them out on SPOTIFY, and check back next week for WTFDYTYA #5.

@NoSunnySleepO))))): What’s your favorite band with ‘sun’ in its name?

M$: One of the most important things you can do as a musician is try to impress strangers with your wealth of musical knowledge. People are usually super into that, and it never, ever backfires or makes you look like a douchebag.

Naming a favorite band all depends on what situation you’re in. Since we’re obviously only here to make people think we’re cool, here’s a list of bands to use for different, but very real situations.

1. At A Local Up-and-Coming Hardcore Show

These are the shows that you, a seasoned veteran of heavy music, waltz into like you’re King Dick of Fuck Mountain. All the younger kids know who you are, even though you’ve never met any of them. You can coast easily on the reputation of the band you were in a few years ago, and you act like it. You strike up a conversation with the guitarist from the headlining local band and casually drop
Sunn 0))) like you’re mentioning the weather. It’s likely none of the youngsters have gotten that deep into doom metal, but now they’ll always remember you when they’re out of hardcore and playing thrash metal at Metro on a random Tuesday in a few years.

2. Appearing As A Guest on Your Friend’s New Podcast That Will Last About Nine Episodes

If you want to show that you have a sensitive side, but still have a little bit of an edge, you go with
Sunny Day Real Estate. It’s weird how many people have forgotten about this band, and you’ll be hailed as some sort of savior the next day when you get a text that says “Holy shit dude! I forgot how fucking heavy ‘In Circles’ is!” Then you can just be like…



3. SaTuRdAyS aRe FoR tHe BoYs: 

When you next find yourself at The Garage, hanging around the fire pit with some chopper-riding, alt-country guys, you should definitely casually bring up the
Sons of Anarchy soundtrack. Neil Young’s classic “Hey Hey My My” shows up as a cover by a band called Battleme—who you’ve probably never heard of, but can easily learn all about by spending a couple of quick minutes on Wikipedia. Talk about them confidently, and everyone will be impressed—even if you’re full of shit. Which you are, because the Sons of Anarchy soundtrack sucks.

4. At the Merch Table After Our Set

If you’re talking to us, Milk Money, there is only one answer:

5. Writing a Mildly Humorous Advice Column

If we’re just being honest, then it’s always going to be
Sunsleeper.

 

@CuckNorris asks:  This guy I follow on Twitter keeps talking about pegging. What’s that?

M$: Something that’s probably going to give you one, two, possibly all of these reactions. 


@XMethTilDeathX asks: My girlfriend just left me because I broke edge. But now we’re stuck in quarantine together and she says she can’t stand me smoking meth in the apartment. How come?

M$: Two possibilities: First, maybe she’s just irritated that you’re smoking all her meth and she has to keep leaving the apartment for "non-essential" tasks like getting more. Second, she actually doesn’t care about the meth, but Pat Flynn liked one of her post break-up selfies, and now you’re cramping her style.

Mom asks: How is your diet coming along?

M$: Check out our Instagram side project (@MilkMoneyEats) where we just post pictures of our food in lieu of developing any semblance of a personality. Since we can’t play shows, we’re trying to become influencers and get some of those sweet product endorsements for flat tummy tea or something. #LikeForLike


Q: What’s your favorite pedal?

Trevor: I feel like I have to let you in on a secret here. I really don’t know anything about gear. Most of my pedal purchases are based on design. I know what effect I want, but instead of  finding the “best” one, I usually go for whatever looks the coolest. Half the time it works, and the other half of the time it backfires, and I end up texting my buddy Oz, who then shames me for not asking him first. Then he sends me links to a bunch of boring boxes, I convince myself that I didn’t want that effect anyway, and try to sell the one that I just got. It’s a fun little game.

But right now, my actual favorite pedal is the Rainbow Machine from Earthquaker Devices. It’s a pitch shifter, but you can adjust it to get a really nice chorus sound. There’s also a “Magic” button that produces a really spacey vibe, that is really hard to make work in an actual band setting. I’ve only successfully used it on two songs. I don’t think I dare try recording anything with it, but I play around with the settings on it constantly. At some point I’ll have the confidence to use it for real, but by then I’ll probably be obsessed with a different, cooler pedal and the Rainbow Machine will be gone. Such is life as a hardrocker, you know? 

If you’d like M$ to answer your question in next week’s column, follow us on Twitter or Instagram and hit our DMs or use the tag, #AskMilkMoney.

Until next time, this is Milk Money saying, “What day is it?"

 

 

0 comments

Leave a comment