"WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?" #3

Posted by Matthew Windsor on


We've teamed up with SLC's resident hardrock sages, Milk Money, to answer questions and tell stories about hardcore, hardrock, the "scene", life advice, and whatever other random shit comes to mind. Follow them on TWITTER, check them out on SPOTIFY, and check back next week for WTFDYTYA #3.

#Follow4FollowMyGuy asks: As an artist in uncertain times, how can I keep promoting my music from quarantine?

M$: The first thing you need to do is find some compromising evidence on a friend that runs a website. Then you blackmail them into letting you write a pointless Advice Column that no one actually cares about. That’s the most important place to start.

milk money gold blood

Once you’ve got that secured, and the money from the blog is flowing endlessly into your account, then you just hustle. Hustling is a lost art these days. There are so many online outlets, and so many different social media platforms that it can get overwhelming pretty quickly. The key is to not let that happen. Focus on one or two at a time. Get weird on Twitter and sneak in some links. Ask for questions on your Instagram story, then find a way to relate your answers to songs you can post. Dive into the hellscape that is Reddit and find a thread that your music fits with, and drop a link. Not all of this is going to work, but it’s worth a shot.

The other important thing to remember is that you don’t have to promote a specific song, or an album, or a video. Just interact with people. Everyone else is online all the time, so just be visible, be friendly, and be accessible. As long as you’re doing something online, no one is going to forget about you.

Maybe don’t use the band page to drop heart eyes on thirst trap photos. Slide into those DM’s from your own account, you know? The last thing you want is the fucking bass player seeing their reply first and stealing your thunder. But then again, all is fair in love and hardrock. 


Dan Price asks: Can I have your milk money?

M$: 



@FiendingForMosh asks: When are shows coming back?

M$: The real answer is that no one knows. Probably sooner than you think, which is also probably too soon. It’s kind of a lose/lose situation.

Live music is in a weird spot. To go from “Everyone needs to practice social distancing until we can get a handle on this extremely contagious thing” to “Well, it’s not contained, and we don’t have a vaccine, but fuck it. Go ahead and pack as many people as you can into a tiny, poorly ventilated space and let them all slam into each other” in the span of a couple of weeks seems insane.

There are some medical experts that say live shows shouldn’t start again until 2021. That’s not going to happen. That can’t happen. Every place that relies on a steady stream of smaller touring acts and local shows—which is almost all of them—will close if that’s the case. No one wants that. Venues need to make money and bands need to make money. The only way to do that is with shows.

What’s going to be really interesting is seeing who takes the risk. Some bands are going to hit the road two days after “shelter in place” ends. There will be venues ready to host the shows, and people dying to see them—no matter who that band is. The very idea of getting back out in public and seeing their friends is going to be enough for a lot of people. Those bands are probably going to do pretty well, and play for a lot of grateful people every night. 

Then there are going to be other bands that take the whole rest of the year off. To them, the juice won’t be worth the squeeze. They’ll stay home, write new songs, make a new record, and continue to wait it out. The bands that take this route are probably the bands that are a little more established, and have other sources of income. Some bands can afford not to tour. Others can’t.

There are also going to be a lot of people who just don’t trust anyone in a large crowd for a while. 

“I’d love to see that band. But there’s no way in hell I’m going to stand in the dark while a drunk, sweaty guy—still wearing a heavy denim jacket in fucking July for some reason—brushes his damp hair across my face as he tries to squeeze through an already tiny space.” 

It’s weird, it’s scary, and it’s pretty unprecedented. But it is going to be okay. Live music will always be something that people enjoy, and there will always be someone who figures out how to make the most of it. Things aren’t going back to normal anytime soon, but maybe that’s a good thing. It gives everyone a chance to decide what the new normal is.

There is one upside that could come from this, and one that Milk Money wholeheartedly supports: Maybe venues/bars/clubs will actually keep their bathrooms clean, stocked, and operational.

Ahhh, who are we kidding? No one is going to learn anything from the last five weeks.

XtestpressX asks: Who are M$’s favorite current #SLCHC bands?

M$: 

M$ PRESENTS THE #SLCHC2020LOVE THE MIXTAPE:

1. Victim To None - Sacred
2. Devoid - Another Life Wasted
3. Ape $hit - Pretty Neat ft. Dea Giokas
4. Degeneration XXX - Bitter End
5. Dirty Mike - Angel (Prod. by Teemane)
6. Zodiac Killer - Serpent's Tongue
7. Crow Killer - Close Grip
8. Witchtrial - Burn
9. Absent - Dimmed Love
10. Tamerlane - Absense

Run tha trak!



@StatuteOfLimitations asks: What is your wildest tour story?


Dan$: As all of Milk Money will attest, my memory is not the hottest. But I’ve been blessed with a metric shit-ton of sketchy/amazing tour experiences, so here’s a montage of pretty true events...

  • Coming up with the idea for Milk Money with Trevor on west coast Cherem runs.
  • Roger Miret teaching me his prison workout regimen in an old church in Switzerland. 
  • Watching Madball and Obituary festival sets in Turino, Italy from the fancy comfort of an above-ground pool.
  • Breaking up fights between American soldiers and German hardcore kids.
  • Breaking up fights between American soldiers and Japanese hardcore kids.
  • Getting into fights with American soldiers in foreign lands.
  • The time Lord Ezec asked me if I wanted to smoke some crack with him.
  • The time the moon crashed into Idaho.
  • Hiding outside the backstage tent of symphonic metal cover band Apocalyptica in a giant mud puddle during a Czech Republic downpour with Vinnie Stigma, waiting for them to take the stage, so we could sneak in and steal coffee from their espresso machine.
  • Taking Matt Mascarenas to the beach for the first time in his life.
  • Fuck Nick Cannon.
  • Watching an aggro road-rager freak and back down a steep-ass, 500-foot grassy slope into a cow pasture after he pulled us over to fight. 
  • The Lightkeeper’s Trail (What's good, Countdown to Life/Broadway Calls?!?!?!)
  • Watching Sparky from Demented Are Go bite the head straight off a dead rat, pound a bottle of vodka, and say, “That’ll clean it up.”
  • Chasing a not-be-identified drummer from brothel to brothel in Graz, Austria to watch him dance with girls for a few seconds before running to the next brothel… just to make sure he didn’t get left behind by the bus.
  • Not joining Hatebreed in a backstage jacuzzi full of actual erotic dancers.
  • 30 Seconds to Mars telling us we were “pretty heavy” when we shared a venue in Minneapolis.
  • Moshing in a Drum’n’Bass tent at a Euro festival with a not-to-be-identified NYHC band who were skying way high on ecstasy.
  • Learning so many important lessons the hard way while making all of my closest friends cuz… hardcore.

Trevor$: I don’t have nearly as many globe-trotting adventures as Dan, but some of my favorite moments with my friends happened on tour.

  • Spending two full days at a Fazoli’s (the only kind-of vegan option in the city) in Grand Island, Nebraska on our first tour because the transmission went out 13 hours after we bought the van.
  • Directions to a venue that were “Turn left at the women’s prison, and drive to the end of the road. It’s in the junkyard.” Once inside the junkyard, getting the instructions “Stay away from the fences. That’s where the ladies have ‘yard time’ and the guards in the tower get really angry when we talk to them.”
  • Air guitar and autographs with a drunk guy named “Deth” in Tijuana.
  • Almost having to fight a promoter in New Mexico because he accused us of stealing a microphone, only to find out ten minutes after leaving that Bill accidentally put it in the pocket of his cargo shorts and forgot.
  • Swimming too far out in the Florida ocean and getting stopped by the beach patrol just before the shelf drops off and all the bull sharks hang out.
  • Going on tour without confirming anything, then having to beg every promoter to let us play when we showed up.
  • Trying to pretend there wasn’t a fight happening in the crowd until Jake pushed his drums out of the way to jump in at every single out-of-state show Tamerlane ever played.

So what we're saying here is, once this plague blows off, GET IN THE FUCKIN VAN CUZ LIFE IS SHORT AND YOU SHOULD LIVE IT!

If you’d like M$ to answer your question in next week’s column, follow us on Twitter or Instagram and hit our DMs or use the tag, #AskMilkMoney.

Until next time, this is Milk Money saying, “Tamerlane is not the Five Finger Death Punch of Salt Lake Hardcore."

 

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